History Wednesday: The Bletchely Circle

Period fashion! Knitwear! I love the bow.

 I thought I would continue my pattern of history-related posts on Wednesday. For typewriter fans, this might be relevent to your interests. Or, if you're just a geek like me.

Several weeks ago, someone on Facebook posted a quick summary of a new British show called The Bletchely Circle. While the initial description I was given turned out to be way off base, the show itself was excellent. Of course, I'm a sucker for just about anything from the UK, and when you add in the 1940s-1950s costumes I was all over it.

The Bletchely Circle is about a group of female codebreakers who worked together during WWII. Now, nine years after the war, they struggle to lead normal lives after the secrecy and excitement of their time in the military. On the surface, they've moved on--some taking new, quiet jobs, others as housewives and mothers. Susan, however (seated in the picture above, and pictured right) is having a little trouble letting go of old habits.

I couldn't get a good
clipof this outfit, but
it's one of my
favorite costumes in
 the entire show.

When a series of murders happens in London, she begins collecting information through wireless reports and newspapers, slowly piecing together the pattern that the killer is following. As the killer begins stepping up his game, she calls in some old friends to help her piece together the "code" of his behavior.

One thing that I find fascinating about this show is that it was inspired by the actual Bletchely Park (which, by the way, is now on the list of places I want to see the next time I make it across the pond). Considering it was part of the Official Secrets Act, and I didn't grow up studying a lot of British history (I've mentioned before how poorly my school district covered international events), this was the first time I'd ever heard of it.

For those undereducated like myself, Bletchely was a top-secret facility for training codebreakers and studying intercepted transmissions during WWII. It was staffed primarily by women, and was considered to be the deepest of secrets. 

Lucy is one of my favorite characters. She is the
Spencer Reid of their little criminal
investigation, for those familiar with
Criminal Minds.

This show has a great mystery, filled with dozens of twists and turns. On top  of that, there are awesome costumes, knitwear, and some wonderful interactions between the various characters. If you haven't seen it yet, go look it up now. ITV has already announced a second series of four episodes (the first was only three, so it's a really quick watch) to come out later this year. I think the first series is already up on the PBS website for viewing.

For more information in Bletchely Park and what the girls were up to during WWII, here's a short documentary (only about 25 minutes). It's really interesting. Also, now I sort of want an Enigma machine.

History Fixation

Late last week, Missouri sent me a fascinating link to an article about an article on chatelains. I love chatelains and have been wanting to make myself one, though it's become slightly redundant since she made me my wonderful seamstress' assistant for the convention. Personally, working in retail, I would love to see chatelains come back into style. I'm forever wishing a had a notebook and pen, or my chapstick, or some other small item that either won't fit in my pocket or wearing an outfit that doesn't have pockets.

I discovered that the website itself is a dangerous rabbit hole for me. Check out the list of articles in the sidebar; I dare you not to click on one. Here are a few of my favorites:

Everything You Knew About Corsets is False

Really fascinating. I wear corsets not only for steampunk events, but also occasionally when we go out or even to work (usually under my shirt) if my back is bothering me. Like many things, I think corsets are good--as long as they aren't abused.

How Boxers and Briefs got into Mens Pants

It is perhaps a sign that I have spent way too much time folding men's underwear at work that I find this article interesting.

Before Rockwell, a Gay Artist Defined the Perfect American Male

In college, one of my favorite classes was History of Illustration. For starters, it was taught by a hilarious man who reminds me greatly of my late grandfather (they even look alike, besides sharing the same sense of humor). I remember studying Leyendecker in his class; I liked him so much better than Rockwell. This article details many of the reasons why.

BEAR!! (CCAD students know what this means....)

I don't understand the stigma against illustration in the art world. Personally, I prefer illustration over fine art.

Three Female Artists Who Shaped the American Dream Girl
Another article on art history, this one is about the female artists behind some of the most famous pin-up art of the mid-20th century. I love pin-up art. I think it's gorgeous. And the women who created it? Awesome.

 The Great Gatsby still gets Flappers Wrong
If you enjoyed 20s week,  then you need to read this article. The flapper as a feminist movement--it's the the juices churning in my head, let me tell you! So many ideas to work into my 1920s stories....

I hope you enjoy those. I found them to be really interesting reads, and there are a lot of other stories on the website that I didn't link to. In parting, here's a knitting related piece of Leyendecker art:

20's Week Part I: Fashion

Inspired by one of the stories I'm working on, I declare this 20's Week!

Have I mentioned that I love the 1920s? I adore art deco, and the fashion--though I'm far too curvy to ever be able to pull it off. Flapper dresses make me look like I'm wearing a very glittery potato sack. It's a shame, since I love the aesthetic and did I mention? I have a bob now. My hair was down to the middle of my back, but I chopped it all off a few weeks ago. It's now more similar to my profile picture, minus the blue streaks (and even then, only because work would frown upon it. I miss my multicolored hair).

Here's a few (okay, more than a few) images I love of 1920s fashion:

I'll admit, I love the hats. I love a good cloche. I also have a fairly large collection of hats (not huge, mind you, but more than I can generally store). I want to get some command hooks and fill a blank section of all with a hat display. Just for the fun of it, you know. And because I'm more likely to wear them if I can see them.

And here are a few modern takes. I might be able to pull off something like this first one:

Look! Emo flappers:

I bet they listen to blues. :)

Of course, one of my favorite 20s style inspirations is still Evelyn O'Connell from the Mummy movies, but more on that later. Check back on Wednesday for 20s/20s inspired film!

Costume p0rn and Typewriters IV

The Mummy
I know I've talked about The Mummy and The Mummy Returns on this blog before, way back when. Why do I love these movies so much? I don't know. They aren't even remotely historically accurate, the mythology is way off base, the plots are so-so, and I have to cover my eyes any time there's a scarab on the screen. But nonetheless, something about them resonates with me.

I'm combining both movies here, since the characters generally wear the same costumes for the duration of the films (I'm pretending that Return of the Dragon Emperor or whatever it is doesn't exist, and I'm not much of a Scorpion King fan. Besides, you can hardly call the scraps of cloth and large pieces of jewelry used in that film to be "clothing.").

I think that the easiest answer to the above question is that once again, I'm drawn to the female lead. Unlike the characters I've mentioned previously, however, Evy is bookish. She's a nerd who loves a good library and isn't necessarily out for adventure, just the next great discovery. Adventure just kind of lands in her path and she can't avoid it. Of course, it doesn't hurt that she likes it.

With a backdrop of Egypt in 1923 (then ruled by the British), the Mummy not only has great costumes, but also great sets. Check out some of the wood work:



One of my favorite costumes of all time is Evy's librarian outfit. I love the bookish, nerdy look, and I have serious case of shoe lust for those Oxford Mary Jane pumps. I couldn't find a full body shot of the outfit, but you see them briefly in this clip (when I watched it, the audio syncing was off, but that might be my computer. Even if you hit mute, the scene is still very funny):



Here's a still from the same scene:


I love women in ties. Especially when worn with a long skirt.


But of course, this is an action movie. We can't have a dowdy, bookish librarian for the hero's love interest! So about five minutes into the movie, Evy promptly loses all of her clothes in a shipwreck, and must "go native":



In this scene, we also see Rick O'Connell's costume. It's pretty basic: Shirt. Trousers. Boots. Nothing really out of the ordinary, except those holsters. Which for me, really make the outfit. In his case, it's not so much what he's wearing, as how he's wearing it (okay, you caught me; Brendan Fraser fan).

Part of the reason I like this look is that while it is a period piece, and while it does involve British influences and have all the manners and niceties of the early 20th century, he's not wearing a suit. It's a nice departure.

Speaking of suites and departures, when the first board the boat (the one that sinks) he is wearing something a little fancier. Sadly, since it's shown for all of five seconds, I can't find a picture. But it's one of those light colored suits like the ones Jonathan wears throughout the film (minus the pith helmet and dorky expression).


You can see that Evy appreciates the change.

Oh, and of course there's the British Army uniform Rick wears in his opening scene. Uniforms are always a plus:


In the second movie, both Evy and Rick wear variations on their costumes from the first movie. Set ten years (or thereabouts) in the future, around 1933, Rick looks much the same only...cleaner. Well, he would have to since he and Evy are both key members of London society. The suits switch from tan and white to black (yawn) (though everyone looks very snappy in them), and Evy shows up in this:


...While I love the outfit, I can't help but think that the costume designer forgot what decade it was supposed to be. In fact, very few of her costumes from this film (mostly black dresses/skirts that harken back to her "native" costume from the previous movie) really look like something from the 30s. In fact her nemesis, Meela, dresses more to period (though her costumes are entirely inappropriate for traipsing around in the desert, at least until she gets ready for a show down and then she, too, forgets all references to time period.



And the typewriters in all of this? While there might be one lurking in the background at the beginning of the second movie, the only one I found in the first was a very abused portable machine that shows up for just a few seconds as Rick tries to get Evy out of Egypt as fast as he can. Sadly, I cannot find the clip or a still with the typewriter. You'll just have to see the movie and cringe for yourself.

---
I have two more blogs planned for this series, unless I think of another period film I want to add (which is possible. Originally, this one wasn't on the list). There are two others that MIGHT make it...it depends on how far I decide to go.

Other than the typewriters, what draw you to period films?

Fashionably Late

My roommate, who really doesn't get the whole typewriter thing, but supports it anyway, got me this shirt as a random surprise. It showed up on February 1, which is just kissmet. If you want to snag your own, you can find it here along with dozens of other lovely typewriter themed artwork in all forms.

Hey! Look over there!

In an attempt to distract you from the fact that it has been over a month since my last post, and the typewriter revamp STILL isn't done, I present you with this:



That would be one small part of the Christmas presents I received from my aunt. She got me a whole box of dresses and skirts from the 1950s. None of them fit, since most of them have a 24-30 inch waist and I....don't, but most of them are lovely and I'm enjoying converting them into something closer to my size. This example was once a dress that almost fit, but was far too tight in the shoulders to be practical. I also made a crinoline slip to go underneath, though that still needs some work, I think.

---

Though the revamp isn't complete, I can offer this teaser image of the Royalite. What you see in the platen is a review I will be posting soon.



More to come. Stay tuned.

New Hair

I got a couple of gift certificates to the local beauty school for Christmas, but I haven't had time to make use of them until recently. I knew that I wanted to do something a bit different with my hair, but I wasn't sure what. Then I got sick of my hair (which tends to get rather triangular looking when it's about shoulder length) looking like a Lady Gaga wig and decided that Now. Was. The. Time.

After having Normal Hair for about a year, I decided it was time to go back to something funky and picked out a layered style that will still grow out easily (since that is the ultimate goal) and decided I wanted it to be two-toned in some way. Red. Bright, firey red. So when I talked to the girl (a lovely senior from not to far from where I live) we settled on this:

I'm quite pleased with it, though it takes some getting used to. It also means I have to re-evaluate my wardrobe a little, since it clashes with most of the dark red, all of the pinks, and about half of the purples in my closet. So it looks like I'm going to be wearing mostly black and blue for the foreseeable future (gah, black and blue and red on top? I'm going to look like a scraped knee. But a very fashionable scraped knee).

I can't post any pictures of my knitting right now, because it's part of a Top Secret Mission for Nerd Wars, and the hem of the sweater I'm working on isn't all that fascinating (yay, 2 1/2 inches of 2x1 ribbing. Joy). I did manage to have a spinning mishap that resulted in the loss of about 1/4 ounce of tussah silk. I still weep for it.

I've been accomplishing very little in the world of writing this week, but I hope to rectify that tomorrow or possibly later tonight, depending on how long it takes me to finish up stuff online. I have been hampered slightly in my productivity by the rain, which has flooded both our internet and phone lines meaning that I don't have access half the time to the numbers I need to call and the other half I simply can't call them (because if I'm going to be on hold for an hour, there's no way I'm using my cell). So since I don't have any other concrete accomplishments to show you, I will distract you with another shiney picture of me and my new 'do:



Also, don't forget about the Japan Relief Drawing, which is still open to anyone who donates to any organization providing aide over there. I'm going to keep blogging as usual, but remember that you can still enter by leaving a comment on that post. There's also a helpful little link in the upper left hand corner of this page, right next to the post title.

The Plague of Locusts

Dear Retail Consumer,

Our store is very easy to navigate: fitting rooms are under the FITTING ROOM sign, restrooms are under the RESTROOM sign and womens sizes are located under the sign that says WOMENS. Now please get out of juniors because you are not a size seven. Put down the canary yellow leggings and back away slowly.

Your kid is not cute, and even if he was it would not excuse the fact that he is screaming, running, and making a general mess of the store. It would be very helpful if you would spend as much time corralling your child as you do wondering if that lime-green jersey knit dress that costs more than I make in a week will look good on you (it won't. For one thing, that's not your color and for another that style wouldn't look good on a size 00 model. It would make your ass look like a zeppelin).

And another work about your kid, because I know it was him. If I catch him spitting his half-chewed candy into purses, I'll take him out back and beat him myself.

I have enough to do every night without having to clean up after you. If there's an item you don't want, either put it on the reject rack of the fitting room or, better yet, put it back where you found it rather than hanging it off the collar of another item, draping it over a rack, or cramming it into a rack that is already overfull.

And before you ask, no, I am not bitter. Not in the least. I just spend 20-30 hours a week chasing after you and your ilk, cleaning up your messes and getting paid minimum wage for a job that is not even remotely challenging mentally, unless you count my ability to put up with you and your inane questions. If you can afford to spend $139.99 on an ugly purse just because it has a designer logo on it, then you damn well can drive the ten miles to make sure that the one we have is the one you wanted that the other store was sold out of.

Thanks,

Retail Associates Everywhere

Photographic Proof

This is the top that I was talking about the other day. Haven't tried it on to mark the darts yet. No, that is not the poor photo quality (though it is a bad picture); the material really is iridescent. I picked it up for about two euro for about four or five yards at this little stand just outside our apartment. I've discovered that this crappy little stand has the best apparel fabric at the best prices--he beats the pants off of the Tuesday morning market, plus he's close and open every day but Sundays.

This is the first sock of the second pair. I've got a few more inches to do before I can cast off. I'm thinking maybe four or five. I should be trying it on again, but I'm afraid I'm going to break those itty bitty needles. I'm so used to using size eight or nine aluminum needles that these sock needles just feel like toothpicks in my hands.

This is the scarf for my mom. I'll probably have to go out and buy two more balls of the yarn for it, since I'm only about 1/3 done and I've doubled the yarn. Still, it's working up nicely. I'm going to have to beat it a little before I give it to her, though, because it's linen and a little bit coarse on the skin.

I was a bad girl this morning and ordered some things from Amazon, which will be waiting for me when I get back. I purchased Knitting for Peace and Knitting Goddess, and pre-ordered Tin Man. I am a dork and want to take Alan Cumming home. He really does not look forty-two years old.

I added a few things to my wishlist, too. Like some addie turbos, and a set of Denise interchangeables, as well as some spinning books that were recommended on Lime and Violet.

And just to prove that there are pretty things in Florence, here is a picture of Cascine Park when there is no market. This park is my favorite place in the entire city.

Living Like a Gypsy, Rolling Like a Stone

It is move out day in the dorms. It's 10am, and I'm ready to start loading the truck, but I have a few more minor details that I can't take care of until Alice is awake.

Today makes move number seven for 2007.
1) Apartment>>Home
2) Home>>Akron for summer study
3) Akron>>Home
4) Home>>Montreal for internship
5) Montreal>>Home
6) Home>>Dorm
7) Dorm>>Home

Granted, some of those "moves" were only a day--like when I stayed at home for a night before moving into the dorm. But it still involved moving all of my belongings (at least, the important ones) between three different locations.

And it's not over yet. There will be a day or two spent at my grandparents for Christmas. New Years Eve I'll be taking everything that will be going with me to Florence to Alice's place, since we have to be up at 2am in order to make it to the airport for our 6am flight.

Add in a week hopping around the UK before we even arrive in Florence....x_x Can I please stay in one place for more than three months? Please?

I mentioned that the Kimono sweater is done, right? I don't remember. It doesn't help that my computer is out this week. When I got it repaired last time, they gave me a faulty logic board, so they're fixing it again now. I don't have any of my pictures or files.

Anyway. If I forgot to say it before, the sweater is done. It fits okay, but not quite like I hoped (that sounds familiar. Maybe I did mention it).

Currently on the needles is the Slytherin scarf, which passed the halfway mark yesterday during Jr. Seminar. I might actually finish it before Christmas.

I'm also working on a dress. I'm using the fabric I originally bought for the cape/cloak thing for my Brigid costume, which is a sort of burgundy faux velvet/suede. I'll probably wear it to the family Christmas, and also to the going-away-party that Alice's parents are throwing for her. It's 90% done, just needs some tweaking on the side seams and to add the straps. I did the bulk of the work in two days. I think I'm getting better at this whole sewing thing.

Well, I'm off. As they say, a rolling stone never grows moss. I should be polished smooth by the time this is all said and done.

Random Content

Well, I'm down to only two more projects--the Kimono Sweater and the Top-down hat. I have about two inches of the rear sweater panel done, and the hat is roughly 1/3 complete.

On Thursday, my knit-ease gloves came in. Honestly, I don't recommend them. They work okay, but when I showed them to my mom (an ex physical/occupational therapist) she said they were too lose. The smaller size would have cut off circulation. We agreed that a better option would be to get a pair of isotoner gloves and cut off the fingers. Still, I bought them, I'm not going to buy another pair and cut them up when the other ones work okay. Not the greatest, but okay.

While the gloves were a little disappointing, I was not saddened one bit by my ball winder, which also arrived. If you're interested, you can find them for $23 at Joann.com, where they are on sale.

I looked at the product ratings on the site, and the biggest complaints were that the clamp didn't open wide enough, and that the feeder arm didn't stay upright. I can deal with the clamp; I'll just hold it sometimes. As to the feeder arm, if you extend it fully, it will usually stay up. If you are winding vigorously, it might be a bit loose, but all you have to do is lift the "working yarn" up a bit, and it holds it in place. If you don't have a swift, you have to hold it in your hand anyway to keep the tension, so it's not a big deal.

Also, if anyone is reading this, please leave a comment. I can't tell if I've gotten any hits here, and it's kind of frustrating.

Cranking Them Out

Wow. This makes...what, three FO's this week?

Stats:

Number of seams ripped out: 2 (will eventually be three)
Fabric: a wool blend from Joann's. The flowers are a faux velvet. I'm actually allergic to wool, but if I wear a slip it shouldn't be bad.

It's a little lumpy in the back, mostly because I can't pin it in place properly while wearing it, and the floor really isn't a good model. I'll get Alice to help me with that part. But the skirt is wearable, which is what counts; I'll just wear a long shirt until I get it fixed.

I wanted something long and elegant, but not too bulky. I like A-Line skirts, so I took that idea and added some "swoosh" to the bottom, so that I could walk with out a slit up to my waist. I left the bottom hem raw because it's the salvage end of the fabric, so it won't fray, and it has these soft black fringies that look cool.


On the needles: top down hat (needs frogged), back portion of the waist band for the Kimono Sweater
In waiting: Lace for my jewelry class (don't ask)

Another Eff'd Oh!

Stats:

Times Frogged: 3
Yarn: Linie 194 in Solo for the flames, Dark Horse Fantasy #20 (that's the red), and the black was a soft, leftover black I had laying around but lost the tag for. It's some kind of inexpensive acrylic, but not the nasty Red Heart kind.

Needles: US 11/8mm Brittany wood straights
Pattern: My Own
The How-To: I cast on 16 stitches in the varigated, worked a few inches. The border is two stitches wide, done in seed stitch. Honestsly, I think I should have made both the scarf and the border a bit wider, because the red yarn is a bit thinner and has a tendency to curl, even though it's been blocked.

The color changes were stranded color work, but the main body of the scarf was really simple. My biggest problems came from adjusting my gauge (the varigated yarn is much, much thicker than the red or even the black), and also working out how I wanted to do the flames. I think that between this scarf and the Butterfly hat, I am done with fancy color work for a while (but at least this time the color work came out semi-properly).


Currently on the needles: Kimono Sweater
Currently in storage: the Never Ending Skirt
Next in Line: Cap and Cowl for my dad, winter skirt (sewing)

I've also intermitently be working on some squares for my scrapghan, which I have been making on and off for a few years now. I almost have enough squares for a lap robe. That project has been on hold because up till now it's been all crocheted, and I simply can't crochet anymore because of my wrists. The new squares are being knit it garter stitch, and have come out pretty nice. I figure that if I get the sizing wrong (the blanket is at my parents' house) I'll just crochet a little around the edges to make them big enough. That little bit I think I can handle.

Oh, and here's another Eff'd Oh that I'd almost forgotten about! My Pixi Skirt! I actually finished it sometime in September/early October, but oh well.

Stats:
Number of seams ripped out: 0 (!!)
Fabric: The blue is a satin remnant I've had sitting around for ages and wanted to use, and the black is a crinkly satin-type material, no idea other than that.
Pattern: My own, of course. Are you noticing a theme?
For the closure, I used four pearl buttons and some fake leather cord, so it buttons up the way Victorian era boots would. Really cool, and it was surprisingly easy to make. I didn't have any problems, except for some minor hiccups in sizing, which I cleared up in about five minutes with a pair of shears.

Hot Strong Cauldron of...Chocolate?

Hee. You knew it was coming eventually. This is a pagan blog. I have to put in my Harry Potter jokes.

As a pagan, I do have a penchant for collecting witch-related items. One of my favorites is this enormous cauldron mug I found at Target earlier this fall. Okay, maybe it's not HUGE, but it is certainly larger than your average tea cup.

Today it is cloudy and cold and definitely feeling like fall/winter here in Ohio, so I took my mug and filled it up with Swiss Miss Dark Chocolate Sensation. It was lovely after a trip to the library which left me shivering in my hoodie. It is especially good when paired with some pumpkin pudding (thanks, Mom!).

So....Anyone care to rob a bank with me? I need $1000 by tomorrow to pay for my flight to Florence. I really wish they would have given me more than five days before they started demanding money; It's going to be December before my loan goes through, and in the mean time, I'll have already had to give them $1700. A little warning next time might be nice.

I took a break from the Soul Sucking RedFlame scarf for the weekend. Even after blocking, it still curls badly, though it's a bit smoother and more even, and maybe not quite as bad as before blocking. I'm at halfway, plus a foot or so. Why does Donny have to be so damn tall?

The Butterfly Hat has been frogged nearly to death at least five times, but at long last I am starting the decreases for what I hope is the last time. I actually finished it last night, but when I tried it on, it didn't even go down to my ears, so I had to rip back basically to the butterflies and start again. We'll see how it goes this time. *crosses fingers*

The Kimono Sweater has been placed on hold until after Christmas, or at least until after I finish the scarf. In the mean time, I've decided to make a hat for my dad, and a cowl. He doesn't wear scarves, because the only time he wears anything like hats, gloves, etc, he's usually working on the tractor, and dangly things are a hazard. Thus, a cowl. Which is fine by me because I can just knit something thick, chunky, and stockinette in the round while I'm sitting through lecture after lecture on Greenberg and Minimalists. I'm hopping that if I'm knitting with the yarn, I won't be as tempted to strangle myself with it.

I'm glad Greenberg is dead. Thank Goddess for small miracles.

Speaking of deities, the God of Fashion and I really need to have another little chat.

I have an obsession with ballet slippers. I currently own at least four pairs, and I was wearing them TWO YEARS before Hollywood and everyone else got their grubby little mits on them, thankyouverymuch.

Sadly, last week I wore out my favorite pair of basic black ballet flat, the ones with the criss-cross elastic straps across the arch, my very first pair. I headed out to Walmart to get a replacement pair.

Of course, the exact style is no longer being made, but I found a really cute pair of simple black flats I've been eying forever that were only $7. I decided that it was time to spring for them.

There is a little issue here. These particular shoes came in denim, black, velvet, patent leather, red, and tan. I wanted black. Just black. Plain and simple.

I tried on the denim ones first though, because they were the first pair of size eights I found. Perfect. Grab a pair in black. Go to check out.

Return home to find that I can hardly squeeze my bare foot into flats, while I could easily wear the denim ones, even with my thick socks on.

Confused, I return the shoes to Walmart and try again. After 20 minutes in the shoe department, and two different stores, it dawns on me that the sizing is COMPLETELY MESSED UP. Size eight blacks are smaller than size eight blues. The 9's were clown shoes on me, and a 7 1/2 wouldn't go on my foot at all. Depending on the color, a size eight could be too big or too small. I even tried on some pairs where the left shoe was too big, but the right one was too small, even though they were labeled the same!

Okay, I know you fashionistas are going to laugh at my plight, but being broke and also cheap, Walmart is the only place I can afford to shoe shop. In fifteen years, I have never had so much trouble buying a pair of shoes before!

At last, I found one single, solitary pair of plain, black, 8 1/2 ballet flats. No other shoe style, even those made by the same company (No boundaries, which was my favorite brand until they fucked up their jean sizing--another very long story) had that issue.

Some of you knitters might have heard of "We're knot going to take it," in which the knitters of the world picked a single day to call all the yarn companies and tell them they were sick of knots in their yarn. Well, I propose a similar solution. Women's clothing manufacturers need to get together and standardize all of their sizing, for shoes, blue jeans, etc. We have a universal standard for bras, why not jeans? Men have universal sizing, and they don't even care how their clothes fit.

The logic is that if we have to spend more time in the stores, then we will buy more. I say, screw that. If I can't find a pair of jeans in the first five I grab, I go to a different store. I'm not wasting my time. It's ridiculous the way the fashion world works, and I am sick and tired of being jerked around by them. Why do you think I make my own clothes?

Okay. Enough ranting. But seriously, we need to do something. Fine, we can't all be a size two, but is it really necessary to make us guess whether we're a 6, 8, or even 12? Really now.

No Thank You

Dear Fashion God,

I know you must be a man because if you were a woman, we wouldn't be having these issues. Why is it that I am a size six in Brand A jeans, and a size 12 in Brand B, while Brand C doesn't make anything that fits me at all?

But I digress. The real reason I am writing is this: Please, no more surged hems and unfinished edges. I beg you. I realize that I am picky and anal, but how can you expect me to buy clothes that wouldn't even pass 4-H clothing judging (and don't get me started on the sheer material they use. If I wanted people to see my bra, I wouldn't be wearing a shirt in the first place).

I do want to say thank you for FINALLY getting rid (mostly) of those cropped baby tees that always showed way too much stomach (even the larges). They're kind of like those jogging shorts from the 70's--it doesn't matter how toned you are, they don't look good on anyone.

While we're on the subject of the seventies, can you please do something about those awful polyester print shirts they're bringing back? I mean, I know the seventies probably doesn't even want them anymore, but we REALLY dont' want them.

Thanks.

Your humble servant,

Sophia